Post by xpt626 on Sept 21, 2004 0:34:08 GMT -5
found this over at one of the ebay message boards...too funny:
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TROLLING 101 - Tips and Tricks
There are some basic rules to trolling. To troll well, these must be followed. In this thread we will discuss these basic rules.
1. Multiple IDs- The need for.
Multiple IDs are a must for a message board troll. The more IDs you have, the better off you will be. That way, if one of your IDs screws up, you can immediately jump to its defense with another ID that has been thus far unscathed.
Multiple IDs are also useful to keep troll threads from simply going away. A good bump from another ID is always preferable to bumping your own thread.
Multiple IDs are always good to have on hand as a fallback position. Let's say you have been completely outed as a troll. If you have other IDs you can simply scrap the original ID and carry on as another.
2. Pitfalls of multiple IDs.
Troll multi ID pitfall #1- At all times you must remember which identity is logged in. The usual way a troll is outed is when he posts a response to an attack on another identity in the first person. This is the cardinal sin of trolling. KEEP THOSE IDs STRAIGHT.
Pitfall #2-Never EVER admit that you have even one extra troll ID. Deny deny deny.
Pitfall #3- Those who are your co-conspirators today could be your troll enemy tomorrow. Any info they have about your multiple IDs would then be in the hands of the enemy.
Pitfall #4- Where ya from? - Your extra Identities need to have a home base, but be careful. If you place them in your own hometown, that will be VERY suspicious. If you pick a city at random then you run the risk of a local from that city knowing that you are fobbing your way through talks about where you are from. Find a city that you know lots about but is not too close to where you live now.
3. Originality.
Now you have a troll Identity. What to do with it you ask? Easy. Something original. Don't try to copy something you did in a past troll life. Try something new. There is a world of trolling possibilities out there. Don't get in a rut. Remember...If you reuse a troll drama again and again, You will easily be outed by the people who have seen your handiwork before. So keep it all new!!!!
4. I think I'm found out. What Now?
There is only one place to turn if you feel that one or more of your troll identities has been compromised. Of course, I am talking about ....personal tragedy. Nothing gets a troll off the hook faster than a good old-fashioned made up personal tragedy.
Now what kind of personal tragedies are we talking about here? Virtually any will do. The key being it has to be sad enough to evoke sympathy. This has a two-fold effect. First the people on the board who want to believe you will rush to your aid and attack anyone who doesn't. Second, those that think you are lying usually won't say so because they truly can't be sure. And NO ONE wants to beat up on someone who may actually have had a tragedy.
A favorite tragedy of trolls in the past has been disease. A good disease will gain you sympathy for several months. A caution here. If you are going to claim a disease, PLEASE read up on it first. If you choose a disease that is 100% fatal within two months, you will have alot of explaining to do three months later when you are still posting.
Another option is the sick/dead pet. This one almost always works, but is not quite as sure a disease. You may still have a few troll-busters who will call you on this one. But never fear. There are sure to be defenders to rush to your aid!!!
And let us not forget that tried and true method of gaining sympathy, The "Somebody did something bad to me" manoeuvre.This move basically goes like this. "You guys won't believe this. My Grandmother went into my room and destroyed my......" The culprit can be anyone. Parents and grandparents work well, as do other kids at school or co-workers. Just make whatever they did to you seem evil enough and watch the sympathy flow in.
5. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Now you are in trouble. You didn't pay attention and someone noticed you and your troll IDs logging in and out and replying to each other in perfectly coordinated time. Or else you just found out that the mods on the board you are trolling can track IP numbers and are interested in your activities. What can you do? It's desperation time.
When confronted with this situation you can do a couple of things. Leave (but what self respecting troll would ever do that). Abandon those IDs and start trolling again at another location. Or you can pull the"that was my friend (or family member) who was staying over, logged into my account, or hacked into my system. This is truly a hard one to pull off. But if done correctly can actually increase your sympathy factor. One note though---If you are going to do this, it might be a good idea to complain to the mods that the threads where you were caught need to be deleted BEFORE the new pleas for sympathy. The less proof left of your trolling the better when trying this risky technique.
6. Rally the troops.
So now you think you are ready to troll. Not so fast now!!!! Newbie trolls need a support system. You don't want to be out there on your lonesome now do ya? Even with multiple IDs it is hard for you to stay ahead of the game when you have to log in and log out constantly. That's why trolls need troops to rally with. Now there are two distinct types of troops you can use to fight your troll battles. They are as follows.
a) Unwitting accomplices- Whenever you come on to a message board you will find many who may be helpful to your righteous trolling cause. The poor and the downtrodden. These can be your troops. Search out these sad boardies and pump them up. Make up fake families and cling to them. Always give them "huggles" and "snuggles" every time you come on the board. They will come in handy later.
b) fellow trolls- Every board has resident trolls already in place. Your job? Figure out who they are and support their trolling. You will be amazed at just how much troll good will this will reap in the long run. Remember one of the trolls main credos "The enemy of my enemy is my friend". So if there is a troll-buster out there giving a troll fits, help that troll out. You will have a troll friend for life...or at least as long as it is convenient for the two of you.
7. I've destroyed the board. What now?
Congratulations if you have reached this point. You have reached the pinnacle of trolldom. You actually destroyed a whole message board and chased away all of the non-trolls. Now there are no posts on the whole board except for the obligatory "Al Gore invented....", "Republicon or Democarp", or "All your space ship are belong to me...." posts. What now?
There are a multitude of options for you. I will list some:
1. Troll home base - As long as the message board is around you can now keep it as a "safehouse" for other trolls. This can provide literally hundreds of hours of fun for you and your troll buddies. From there you can plan raids on other message boards in your noble but...alas.... vain attempt to destroy the entire internet.
2. Consider it a job well done and retire with the satisfaction that you really narked off a LOT of other peole.
3. Find a new board. Create a new ID and start the whole process over again. You can be amazed at how much better your trolling technique will be the second time through!!
4. Lay low until the old posters come back and then...WHAMMO!!!!... Sock em again for old times sake
you know it, brother!! ;D