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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jun 22, 2008 21:24:34 GMT -5
Hi guys... I've been MIA for the past month and a half, and now I've come to tell you all why.
Towards the end of finals week I was under tremendous stress, to top it all off I found a black bump in my mouth which I assumed to be cancer. It wasn't, but the damage was done... My OCD came back full-force.
About 6 years ago I had a really bad bout with OCD. I was raised in a Christian household, and it seems the OCD took the worst thoughts possible pertaining to Christianity, and would spam them in my head all day. It would either beg God to damn me the next time I drank a coke (and I, being only 14, did indeed become paranoid of drinking cokes) or it would try to sell my soul for various stupid things.
One day, however, one of those things actually happened. I had an OCD moment about this Lord of the Rings DVD, and at the register, due to some glitch, the DVD did indeed come up free. I was convinced that I had sold my soul for it, and it was promptly burned.
After that I became depressed, but then 9th grade started and I felt normal again.
Other strange things would happen over the years. I once bought a pack of cards, and had an OCD thought about one specific card, and sure enough it was the first card in the deck (I trashed it)
My friend thinks that I'm psychic or something now. This morning I woke up and some how knew my friend would get fired today, and he indeed was fired.
This summer it's back again. Just yesterday I got a free coke at the register (of course.. I caught it and payed for it anyway)
The mechanics of OCD are the worst. If I do an action with a bad thought (i.e. me having cancer or something) then I have to redo the action over and over until I can lock on to a good thought.
Sounds crazy and it really sucks, but if I don't do it I get anxiety attacks and stuff.
Oh well, now you all know about me and my Faustian OCD complex.
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Post by JoJo on Jun 22, 2008 22:14:08 GMT -5
Now... If you had been raised in a new age household, this would be seen as manifesting matter, using your mind as a conduit from the 4th (5th, 6th?) dimension. Whether this would have messed with your mind more or less.. I don't know.
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Post by ramone on Jun 22, 2008 22:53:04 GMT -5
Many people have been helped with a variety of problems with things such as EFT. Bad memories, phobias, addictive behavior. Based on a tapping sequence involving the meridians. Sort of dissipates the neg. emotions attached to things.
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jun 28, 2008 15:58:21 GMT -5
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jun 30, 2008 12:27:44 GMT -5
Last night i was thinking about the homeless veterans, and then i thought "CNN would never do a story about them" about that time i had an OCD thought about selling my soul...... today i turn on the tv and sure enough there's a story about homeless veterans on....
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Post by mommybird on Jun 30, 2008 19:50:49 GMT -5
I would have to say that you could very well be psychic. I never knew that all of those symptoms are part of OCD. One of my sons has Tourettes Syndrome & the other has ODD & ADHD. Things get very interesting in my house.
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jun 30, 2008 20:17:41 GMT -5
Are there any experts on the occult, is it an actual belief that you can sell one's soul just by thinking it?
What could be causing all these coincidences?
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Post by iameye on Jun 30, 2008 20:28:23 GMT -5
Are there any experts on the occult, is it an actual belief that you can sell one's soul just by thinking it? What could be causing all these coincidences? no, you can't. Relax, all is well, life is good
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Post by JoJo on Jun 30, 2008 20:37:09 GMT -5
No, one doesn't sell one's soul just by thinking it, even to the point of saying "gee I'd sell my soul for shiny new Corvette". (doesn't work that way)
I'm stealing from George Carlin a bit here, but I think it means you've sold your soul when: You are in charge of manufacturing a car with an exploding gas tank, and you calculate which would cost more: a recall or keeping it on the road and paying out the lawsuits to the families of dead burn victims. Dig?
What could be causing all these coincidences?
I dunno, maybe there's the possibility you've inherited some ability you aren't capable of understanding or harnessing properly.
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Post by iameye on Jun 30, 2008 20:42:13 GMT -5
No, one doesn't sell one's soul just by thinking it, even to the point of saying "gee I'd sell my soul for shiny new Corvette". (doesn't work that way) I'm stealing from George Carlin a bit here, but I think it means you've sold your soul when: You are in charge of manufacturing a car with an exploding gas tank, and you calculate which would cost more: a recall or keeping it on the road and paying out the lawsuits to the families of dead burn victims. Dig? jeeze, that's deep Jo. ;D
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Post by JoJo on Jun 30, 2008 20:48:56 GMT -5
jeeze, that's deep Jo. ;D I never know when/if you are taking a shot there I..
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Post by iameye on Jun 30, 2008 20:56:44 GMT -5
jeeze, that's deep Jo. ;D I never know when/if you are taking a shot there I.. have I ever? why start now? U da man, remember? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by B on Jul 1, 2008 14:41:21 GMT -5
OCD seems to have a psychic edge to it, but the psychiatric profession doesn't acknowledge "psychic", "spiritual" or anything extra-physical. You need to be careful with them, Mellow, because any mention of that with your doctor will be seen as a failure of the medication to hinder your "delusions", and they will want to raise the dose! It's absolutely obscene, in my opinion, even if your psychic perceptions are a negative experience for you. What I mean is that the doctors will seek to shut down the "damaged" or malfunctioning part of your brain with more and more medication, until you're a nice, "normal" vegetable person. You will have to make your own choices regarding what you let them know, but you are in the hands of barbarians who still think shock treatment is a reasonable option. If I were you I would get myself as far away from them as I possibly could, and wean myself off their medicines (poisons) as much as possible. And of course if you tell them you want to do that, they'll diagnose you as experiencing increased paranoia... They know nothing of nutrition, and precious little about the actual function of the brain; nothing at all about the interplay of mind and spirit. I'm sorry to be this way, but they do more harm than good imo. I don't have OCD, or any other mental disorder, but those in that field who I see here fancy themselves gods, while they serve the financial interests of the pharmaceutical companies. It's a freakin' obscenity. That's all I have to say. They're evil.
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Post by iameye on Jul 1, 2008 22:48:41 GMT -5
Well I've never been to a psychiatrist. I got over it last time without one.. but this time I feel I need to go see one. My type of OCD is known as Scrupulosity. I've read other people's stories, and they've had the same thoughts as myself. Mostly they were put on some sort of seratonin medication and then they went to "exposure" therapy to get rid of their fears. I'd like to say I'm just paranoid... but then weird stuff happens... like the CNN report on homeless veterans, and other weird crap. For example, I was at 6 Flags over Georgia last week, and all the while I had these OCD thoughts about someone getting killed. Did you read the news Sunday? A kid got killed! do you diet?
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jul 1, 2008 22:49:20 GMT -5
It's hell typing these posts BTW
If I type it with bad thoughts I have to undo and redo it.
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jul 1, 2008 22:57:02 GMT -5
I sort of diet, why? I've been meaning to get stricter with my diet, but this OCD stuff has me too worried to care.
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jul 1, 2008 22:59:10 GMT -5
It was final exams + me thinking I had cancer that triggered the OCD this time.
But while I was sad, weird stuff didn't start til around the 21st of June.
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Post by iameye on Jul 1, 2008 23:01:39 GMT -5
I sort of diet, why? I've been meaning to get stricter with my diet, but this OCD stuff has me too worried to care. care it's all you need to do.
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Post by B on Jul 2, 2008 10:17:24 GMT -5
It's hell typing these posts BTW If I type it with bad thoughts I have to undo and redo it. That seems admirable to me. It shows an awareness on your part that your vibrations are incorporated into what you manifest into physical reality. But don't be too hard on yourself! Allow yourself to understand that it is not a crime to be angry, nor is it a crime to have "bad" thoughts, necessarily. Allow yourself to have time to process your internal thoughts. Mentally go with the flow, and look into where they originate, or where they go. You may find that they're not even yours! But when you let them manifest to yourself, then they won't be trying so hard to be heard, trying to express themselves by "screaming and shouting". Regardless of how vile or criminal you may judge them to be, the underlying reality is usually that your soul is trying to communicate with you, and it is being blocked. The outward manifestations - trying to keep what you create "clean" - is symptomatic of an effort to hide from a part of yourself, and to hide what you fear may be the 'bad' parts of yourself, from others. This can originate from an unwarranted sense of guilt, or a fear of being guilty of something you've done, even if you are not, in fact, guilty. The OCD rituals are usually rooted in trying to counteract a situation that mimicks one that you were in once before; one that you had no control of. If you were "burned" by a situation that you had no control of in the past, then when a similar situation subsequently presents itself, your instinct is to get away from it, to block it, to shut it out, because there is a memory of failure and suffering that your mind thinks will be your fate once again. It sends an alarm, to keep you away from that situation, and sometimes this is a hysterical (panicked) message or image. Goblins, devils, death. The message is "Keep away! You can't win!" But if you can let that imagery flow, you can probably find the source of what is being feared. And one way to get past "the boogey men" is to let your thoughts play out mentally. This will take some time, so try to give yourself time to think internally every day. If you're a Charles Manson in your thoughts, don't try to hide, or feel guilty about it. You have nothing to hide. You are, in all likelyhood, not guilty!Of course, the drugs that are prescribed to control OCD are mostly about keeping you separate from all the scary imagery, not about letting you tune into the source of it, which, in some way, relates to yourself. You can be treated for symptoms, or you can get to the source. That can be tough, and possibly even lethal, as in cases involving demonic energies, which may sometimes be involved, but if you approach the matter carefully, one step at a time, you'll probably fare well. (Don't be hesitant to call for angelic/spiritual help and guidance.) Well, that's my extra two cents. ;D I wish you all the best, Mellow.
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Post by iameye on Jul 3, 2008 11:45:01 GMT -5
that was pretty good, B. nice post. except for the demonic energies part.....
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Post by B on Jul 3, 2008 13:51:19 GMT -5
In one of the Seth books, Jane Roberts (speaking as Seth) says that sometimes "demonic attacks" are a result of a part of one's soul, having been separated from the main portion, trying to rejoin, but, having also become an entity unto itself, experiencing anger at the main body's hesitancy in accepting it. Also, she points out, the 'main person' fails to see that he is dealing with a part of himself, angering the banished part. Poltergeist activity can be thought of as the "bansihed" part throwing things in frustration in some instances. The problem here, as I understand it, is that the anger of the ousted soul portion sometimes draws the attention of other "homeless" spirits, who also seek assimilation, and so the person having the problem with assimilation of a piece of his own soul also then has to deal with other (peoples') "soul pieces" and entities as well as his own. In Biblical times, these were called demons, so the terminology changes, but the situation still exists as a reality. People leave bits of themselves all over the place, and there are also "earth-bound" spirits who choose not to move on as well, as well as creatures from the lower astral levels that have been conjured up onto the physical realm. All of these linger about, often maintaining themselves as "psychic vampires". Call them what you will, they muddy up the waters for anyone whose astral bodies have been compromised. Still, I have hope for Mellow that he can work through whatever trauma he has experienced. I mentioned "the demonic energies" for the sake of being honest, but if one is careful in developing a sense of internal self-awareness, they usually can be averted. But they are in the picture. Interesting that "banished" and "banshee" sound so similar.
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Post by paulumbo on Jul 3, 2008 17:55:02 GMT -5
Well! All this talk about "OCD" on a PWR discussion board. Let me lightened it up by saying that the 400+ members of this board all suffer from OCD: obsessive, comPAULsive disorder. The drug companies are looking for a pill for it and when they have it the side effects will be: development of a curious English accent (non-British members only); talking backward; and being replaced by a double, a triple, or possibly a quadruple.
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jul 13, 2008 1:06:21 GMT -5
Well, I'm back.
I went with my dad on a trip to California. My OCD wasn't as bad after I got out of this old house and on the road.
Although, IMO, weird stuff still happened. Food came up uncharged for, CDs played a song in the wrong order for no apparent reason, and some other stuff, but for the most part I didn't catch myself doing stuff over and over again and I had a feeling of "let's forget about this and move on" come over me.
But you're right Letter B, with OCD it is like everything you do has a thought imprinted with it, and if it's a bad thought it has to be undone and redone.
BTW I listened to Manly P. Hall's lecture on Faustus.
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Post by B on Jul 13, 2008 21:58:32 GMT -5
I'm glad that you're back, and had a good time Mellow. What was the source of Manly Hall's lecture that you listened to? Was it from the links posted here?
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Post by Mellow Yellow on Jul 15, 2008 1:31:55 GMT -5
No, I think it was from a torrent I downloaded. It may be here as well It's called "Faust, Fall & Resurrection of the Human Soul"
And it's from The Symbolism of Great Operas
In other news... Today I had another strange occurrence:
We went to a Chinese restaurant (a real restaurant, not some crappy buffet).. I had some OCD thoughts about getting an Egg Roll for free (I didn't want this, but you can't control your thoughts, you know?)
This time stands out, as it is one of the few times where I actually told someone what would happen before it happened. My mom brushed it off as... coincidence.
Anyways when the bill came, it was off... Luckily I caught it, and it was promptly changed from $20.55 to $21.73. Whether it was the 99 cent egg roll that came up free, or something else, I may never know.
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