Post by Serviceable Villain on Sept 12, 2012 20:29:50 GMT -5
Greeting friends. Technically I am not a new member but I got lost down the rabbit hole for quite some time.
I think the first thread I ever started here was regarding "coincidences" and synchronicities. Oddly enough, for (seemingly) no particular reason at all, yesterday I began to browse through this forum. Why on 9/11 of all days?
I don't even want to get into it.
Its not that I lost interest in PID/PWR, on the contrary, its that my mind has been pondering the bigger picture. Maybe you could call it a mid-life crisis, but I've been thinking hard about the meaning of it all as it relates to me and my consciousness.
It seems that the Beatles and the PID rumors and clues were the catalyst for my "death," symbolically speaking. I first became obsessed, and at times overwhelmed. I got so lost in my own head that I became even more aloof than I normally am, my marriage suffered, ended, and I fell into a deep depression.
Now this sounds like a terrible thing but I'm happy to state that it was exactly what I needed. Yes, it was really dark for a while, but no one makes necessary changes in their lives without a swift kick in the behind from life. Especially me. I always feared, and I admit, still do fear to some extent any form of change. I want to be comfortable.
There were times when the only thing that got me through the day, living alone and missing my children and literally losing my mind, was envisioning my present as a memory from a happier time in the future. I'm happy to say that that is exactly what it is for me right now. A painful memory, but I am so happy with my life right now.
I practiced meditation, I read, I took walks and exercised, started eating better, sought counseling, and refused psychiatric meds like xanax.
Without going through what I did, I don't think I would have found God, or maybe God found me. Maybe not so much found me as smacked me across the face and said "WAKE UP!" Let me also clarify this as I found God, not religion. Two totally different things.
Let me also state that this has not brought me any level of understanding whatsoever. I can easily rationalize the possibility that I am God, creator of the universe. This is not to be confused with a God-complex or megalomania. Its not a feeling of superiority. More like, the possibility that I created some amazing puzzle and then hindered my own power in order to live in my creation in order to solve said puzzle. This is not something I believe, just something I consider among many other things. Funny as it is, maybe this makes me seem schizophrenic but I can easily rationalize the diagnosis of certain mental disorders such as schizophrenia as a way of those in power to hinder "threats" like people like me. What a schizophrenic thing to say, I know. ;D
Maybe its the limitations of my human mind, but I cannot come up with a rational explanation for matter. I have no clue as to why "things" and the particles that converge to make them exist. And this is ignoring concepts like all reality is an illusion, blah blah blah. I can't really come up with an explanation for consciousness. The best I can do is figure, they exist because, why not? If they didn't there would be nothing and maybe nothing is impossible which is to say that something has always existed which makes no sense unless you consider that time is an illusion and there is only now and AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I run around in circles.
At best I can consider consciousness and matter as co-dependent. There is no point in matter without consciousness to comprehend it and there would be no need for consciousness without matter because there would be nothing to be conscious of.
I apologize for rambling. I get on a roll and that's what I do. As I said, my first thread was about coincidences and synchronicities. Well, I have been experiencing more of them than normal over the past couple weeks. I don't really know the significance of this one, but while I randomly (or so it seems) decided to browse this forum I had no inclination whatsoever to log in and post again until I came across this. I was thinking about a game on my new wife's (just married and she is my favorite human being on the face of the earth!) phone called "Cryptica."
This game is available on Androids and IPhones I believe, but not on Windows Phones which is what I have. Please don't make fun of me. Anyways... I thought that maybe there is a PC version of this game so I did a Google search. What I came up with was this site:
www.cryptica.co.uk/ (You'll have to excuse me as its been awhile since I've posted on a message board. I've forgotten how to post links). Anyway, on the homepage there is a picture of a man and it says "Meet PAUL from the Guardian."
In the "About Us" tab there are two links. "Paul" and "The Real Paul." So Paul is an alias for a man who creates cryptic puzzles dealing with anagrams.
But check out "The Real Paul" tab. The real Paul is this man's elder brother. Look at the picture of him, in a suit and looking McCartney-esque. He uses the alias Paul to honor his brother who died in a car crash on his 27th birthday. When he died he was writing his first novel (paperback writer?). "We spent all our time in his room, discussing the Beatles and football..." ...He wrote songs, and in later years fronted a band called Billy Badbach and the Osteopaths.
I don't know what it is about this that tempted me to post again on this forum but this was the thing that made me say "WTF?" and ultimately brought me back. For whatever its worth. Goodnight.
-Serviceable Villian
I think the first thread I ever started here was regarding "coincidences" and synchronicities. Oddly enough, for (seemingly) no particular reason at all, yesterday I began to browse through this forum. Why on 9/11 of all days?
I don't even want to get into it.Its not that I lost interest in PID/PWR, on the contrary, its that my mind has been pondering the bigger picture. Maybe you could call it a mid-life crisis, but I've been thinking hard about the meaning of it all as it relates to me and my consciousness.
It seems that the Beatles and the PID rumors and clues were the catalyst for my "death," symbolically speaking. I first became obsessed, and at times overwhelmed. I got so lost in my own head that I became even more aloof than I normally am, my marriage suffered, ended, and I fell into a deep depression.
Now this sounds like a terrible thing but I'm happy to state that it was exactly what I needed. Yes, it was really dark for a while, but no one makes necessary changes in their lives without a swift kick in the behind from life. Especially me. I always feared, and I admit, still do fear to some extent any form of change. I want to be comfortable.
There were times when the only thing that got me through the day, living alone and missing my children and literally losing my mind, was envisioning my present as a memory from a happier time in the future. I'm happy to say that that is exactly what it is for me right now. A painful memory, but I am so happy with my life right now.
I practiced meditation, I read, I took walks and exercised, started eating better, sought counseling, and refused psychiatric meds like xanax.
Without going through what I did, I don't think I would have found God, or maybe God found me. Maybe not so much found me as smacked me across the face and said "WAKE UP!" Let me also clarify this as I found God, not religion. Two totally different things.
Let me also state that this has not brought me any level of understanding whatsoever. I can easily rationalize the possibility that I am God, creator of the universe. This is not to be confused with a God-complex or megalomania. Its not a feeling of superiority. More like, the possibility that I created some amazing puzzle and then hindered my own power in order to live in my creation in order to solve said puzzle. This is not something I believe, just something I consider among many other things. Funny as it is, maybe this makes me seem schizophrenic but I can easily rationalize the diagnosis of certain mental disorders such as schizophrenia as a way of those in power to hinder "threats" like people like me. What a schizophrenic thing to say, I know. ;D
Maybe its the limitations of my human mind, but I cannot come up with a rational explanation for matter. I have no clue as to why "things" and the particles that converge to make them exist. And this is ignoring concepts like all reality is an illusion, blah blah blah. I can't really come up with an explanation for consciousness. The best I can do is figure, they exist because, why not? If they didn't there would be nothing and maybe nothing is impossible which is to say that something has always existed which makes no sense unless you consider that time is an illusion and there is only now and AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I run around in circles.
At best I can consider consciousness and matter as co-dependent. There is no point in matter without consciousness to comprehend it and there would be no need for consciousness without matter because there would be nothing to be conscious of.
I apologize for rambling. I get on a roll and that's what I do. As I said, my first thread was about coincidences and synchronicities. Well, I have been experiencing more of them than normal over the past couple weeks. I don't really know the significance of this one, but while I randomly (or so it seems) decided to browse this forum I had no inclination whatsoever to log in and post again until I came across this. I was thinking about a game on my new wife's (just married and she is my favorite human being on the face of the earth!) phone called "Cryptica."
This game is available on Androids and IPhones I believe, but not on Windows Phones which is what I have. Please don't make fun of me. Anyways... I thought that maybe there is a PC version of this game so I did a Google search. What I came up with was this site:
www.cryptica.co.uk/ (You'll have to excuse me as its been awhile since I've posted on a message board. I've forgotten how to post links). Anyway, on the homepage there is a picture of a man and it says "Meet PAUL from the Guardian."
In the "About Us" tab there are two links. "Paul" and "The Real Paul." So Paul is an alias for a man who creates cryptic puzzles dealing with anagrams.
But check out "The Real Paul" tab. The real Paul is this man's elder brother. Look at the picture of him, in a suit and looking McCartney-esque. He uses the alias Paul to honor his brother who died in a car crash on his 27th birthday. When he died he was writing his first novel (paperback writer?). "We spent all our time in his room, discussing the Beatles and football..." ...He wrote songs, and in later years fronted a band called Billy Badbach and the Osteopaths.
I don't know what it is about this that tempted me to post again on this forum but this was the thing that made me say "WTF?" and ultimately brought me back. For whatever its worth. Goodnight.
-Serviceable Villian
