ONE LINERS for (*shudder*) aging musicians.....

[Doc]

You know you're too old to gig when...




It becomes more important to find a place for your box fan, than your amp.

You refuse to play out of tune.

Your fans have left by 10:30 PM.

All you want from groupies is a foot massage.

Your after show party is at Burger King.

You can't play more than 1 hour without taking a piss.

You use the elevator because you can sing along to most of your play list.

You hire band mates for their values instead of their talent.

Instead of a fifth member, you want to hire a roady.

You lost the directions to the gig (which you got from Mapquest).

You need your glasses to adjust your amp.

You're thrilled to have New Year’s off.

The waitress is your daughter.

You stop the set because your Ibuprofen fell behind the monitor.

Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.

You no longer use a tip jar.

You refuse to play without earplugs.

Fat chicks are starting to look OK.

You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 10:30.

Your gig stool must have a back.

You're related to at least one of the band members.

You don't let anyone "sit in".

Your wife doesn't care what time you get home anymore.

During breaks you go lay down in the van.

You prefer a music stand with a light.

You sold your Les Paul because it's too heavy.

You can't get your Fender Twin Reverb out of your basement.

You can't play without a play list.

You have a contract.

[fourthousandholes]

I can relate!
And I don't even play an instrument!

[LOVELYRITA]

That reminds me of the list of qualities one looks for in a possible mate..how it differs as one ages...

Like when a girl is 20 she looks for a guy who has a fast car, has his own hair and teeth and can dance.

When she's in ther 30's, she looks for a guy with a good job, a nice car, a stock portfolio

When she's in her 40's, she looks for a guy with a job, has his own car, hair and teeth optional.

When she's in her 50's, hair and teeth, both fake, stillworks, has a car, and can walk without a cane.

When she's in her 60's, with or without hair and teeth, can walk with a cane, can still drive a car...

When she's in her 70's, can walk with a walker, can cross the street, too old to care if he has teeth or hair

When she's in her 80's, walking, optional, has own walker, not on life support.....

When she's in her 90's, she's too old to think about dating...