Sunday Times [Australia] (based on Daily Mail article?)
We can't work it out
I should have known better with a girl like you . . . the lyrics from that Beatles song could well have warned Sir Paul McCartney that his marriage to Heather Mills was doomed from the start. Alison Boshoff reports
21may06
THOUGH Heather Mills had been discontent in her marriage for a long time – and spent hours bitching about Sir Paul McCartney's shortcomings – it seems she never saw the end coming.
Heather, 38, established a pattern of mutual antagonism in the relationship and was happy to exist in an atmosphere of conflict, according to a confidante.
Almost right to the end, she boasted about her "terrific" sex life with Sir Paul and did not believe the 63-year-old former Beatle could possibly want to end their marriage.
No wonder, then, that she is so very shocked and devastated by his decision to make a clean break after a two-week separation. Particularly considering her fragile physical state after complicated surgery called "revision amputation" to her leg.
It is even possible to feel a bit sorry for her – though one of her friends conceded she is a difficult, domineering personality and, frankly, hard to like.
So, why did they part? It is already well-known that Heather resented Sir Paul's fame, feeling angry that she was not being taken seriously in her own right. Apparently she was often frustrated at having her "important" charity work eclipsed by him.
But that is not the whole story. Speaking this week to a friend in whom Heather confided, it becomes clear that, from the start, the union was a complete mismatch of age, temperament, inclination and ambition.
She even exclaimed during one conversation: "Oh God, he's such a boring old fart!"
It is a wonder that the relationship lasted as long as it did. At the beginning, it seems that they were overwhelmed by a racy sex life, and perhaps Sir Paul, ever the romantic, was rather swept away.
Maybe he failed to consider what a 60-something grandfather would have to do to make his ambitious, dynamic, somewhat self-absorbed new bride happy. By last year, even before their daughter Beatrice had reached her second birthday, the problems in the marriage were too profound to be ignored.
"Heather complained about her marriage quite a lot," the friend said. "Her tone, when she talked about him, was exasperated and kind of superior."
The behaviour which irritated her most was what she regarded as his reclusive ways. "Why won't Paul have a social life?" she would moan. "He's got no friends and it's driving me mad."
Heather made it clear from early in the marriage that she did not much care for the charming little farmhouse in Sussex that Sir Paul had shared with first wife Linda.
She preferred the big house in London and also bought a more fashionable Art Deco home on the south coast in Hove.
Though these domestic arrangements were a fresh start, the problem was not simply a question of escaping from Linda's influence.
Heather's tastes were younger and more cosmopolitan than Sir Paul's. She wanted to entertain their famous and powerful friends and thought that once ensconced in a new home her husband could enjoy a different kind of lifestyle.
But while she enjoyed her elevation to the world of celebrity, Sir Paul preferred seclusion.
Despite persuading him to go on a charity edition of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire on TV, she had more of a struggle getting him enthused about her obsession with social networking. He found it hard to understand her enthusiasm for going out – Linda had never wanted to.
The friend said: "Heather complained to me, `Paul has not got any friends. He doesn't trust anyone because he's a former Beatle. He thinks everyone wants to take him for a ride because he is Paul McCartney. He is really anti-social. The only thing he ever does is occasionally go to the pub with his roadie. We never have parties or do fun things.'
"Heather realised Paul had lived in his own little world with Linda, spending every single day together and smoking a lot of dope.
"Heather didn't want that because she said it wasn't healthy. But Paul did want her to be like that – although she had things to do, places to be, people to see. It was an irritant to him."
It seems Heather may have suffered by this constant implied comparison with Linda, who died from cancer in 1998.
Sir Paul and Linda, who married in 1969, didn't feel the need to have any other friends or any stimulation beyond the bounds of each other and their children.
Heather, though, is a more modern woman with different interests and values. She is obsessive about her appearance and does daily work-outs.
She insists on what she calls "me time" and that everyone respects the importance of her charity work. Put simply, she had no intention of trailing in Sir Paul's wake.
"Heather said, `He wants to share his life totally with one person only', and she told me she did not want to do that. She was not willing to be his Linda," the friend said.
That account is certainly backed by Heather's remarks in her new book Life Balance, which outlines her belief that a modern woman, like herself, needs – and deserves – to have it all.
She writes: "When our daughter was born, I recognised that if I was going to continue to do the things that I enjoy, such as seeing my friends, having time with my husband, going to the gym and focusing on my work, I would have to learn to balance all these different elements of my life."
It is not surprising the formidably focused former model would ultimately grow impatient with Sir Paul, a man who is still, in part, a gentle hippie, but who has also spent decades being idolised, pampered and set in his ways.
One great source of arguments when he went back on the road last year was that he returned to his old pot-smoking habits.
Above all, Heather simply didn't like it when he was on tour. While Linda had famously just packed up their young family and followed him around, Heather had other plans that did not include hanging around waiting for her husband to be free.
She refused to take Beatrice on tour because it would have meant constant travel. Instead, she chose to base herself mostly in New York and Los Angeles, which meant Sir Paul had to travel long distances to spend time with them.
Small domestic differences started to seriously irritate them both.
One level, though, on which the marriage always worked very well was sex.
Heather was happy to tell others how very desirable McCartney found her.
The friend said: "I was really surprised by the way that Heather used to boast about it. She mentioned things which I honestly can't repeat about how they were together."
With such comments, it's no wonder Sir Paul's children are said to have disliked her so heartily – though, even in private, she always insisted she didn't have a problem with them and that stories of rifts were invented by the media.
One of the more telling stories came when she sprang a surprise Indian-themed birthday party in London for Sir Paul's 61st birthday – and didn't invite his children.
This decision spoke volumes about her priorities and preferences.
Another, perhaps unexpected, source of friction was money.
Heather complained that Sir Paul, who is worth an estimated $2 billion, was miserly.
"She complained that he was tight with his money," the friend said. "She said that he had never given a penny to charity before he met her. I guess that must be an exaggeration, but I was stunned to hear her say it."
Bizarrely, Heather had a certain lack of respect for her husband. She seems to have treated him like a recalcitrant teenager.
She hated how people treated him like a god and – to be fair to Heather – there are those who say Sir Paul can be arrogant and unpleasant about his status.
Ultimately, it must have been a colossal shock to Heather, who believed she had the whip hand in their relationship, that Sir Paul was prepared to cut his losses.
Of course, it is sad they have not been able to make their marriage work and it is clear from Sir Paul's protective statement about her not being a gold-digger that he still loves and admires her.
Unfortunately, the final reckoning was that he was just not able to live with his critical spouse. After all, he and Linda had barely said a cross word in four decades.
"Heather is an amazing, strong, interesting woman," said the confidante. "The trouble is that she always knows best."
And at the court of Sir Paul McCartney, there is only room for one monarch.